We live most of our life surrounded by people who are very willing to tell us who to be, even providing detailed instructions about how, when and where to be it. In most cases, they want us to be someone who fits their picture of the world, fits their agenda. And we usually conform, if only enough to avoid conflict. That’s the social contract, right? Sacrifice some of your freedom, identity, and happiness for the benefit of the group? Or is what they want actually domestication?
The fact you’re on this site suggests the group’s hold on you isn’t as strong as the group would like. You might know exactly who you are, or who you want to become. You might be one of those who knows only you don’t want to be what others insist you be. If the latter is the case, then what? Then who?
Well, if I were to say, then I’d be another of those people telling you who to be. You have to decide. You have to find your self yourself.
I AM WHAT I AM
Some nomads set out to discover how cheaply they can live. Some set out to discover nature. Some set out to discover freedom. But many—whether it was their intention or not—discover things about themselves. Some good, some not. Some surprising.
On the CRVL forum, Vandella said she discovered, “That I’ll never be happy or comfortable living in a house or in one place.”
LERCA found, “I miss a strong community. I’ve gone from a total loner to someone who needs people around, preferably the same ones. That’s another surprise.”
“I discovered that I am not truly a hoarder haha.” Shyian said. “I travel light and feel free and relaxed. To have the confidence to go out alone and not feel lonely or anxious about doing anything and everything on my own… Happiness is from within. It’s not keeping up with my neighbors.”
GypsyJan shared, “I have found a retirement plan that allows me to be a square peg without being forced into a round hole by conformists, LOL.”
“It has also taught me that I have a tribe,” said Crofter, “and often some other person is going through the exact same thing as I am, and doing it successfully. Nomad life has taught me to be outside more, that life is short and to enjoy the time I have and not get hung up with negative people.”
Deborah says, “I have learned that no matter in what state I’m in, God is with us. I can go with God and practice awareness. I can meditate and write. This has led me to a happy ending.”
Tony’s Dream said, “It has reminded me of what freedom is all about. When we traveled before, we always had to make reservations at hotels and planned our journeys around where we were going to stay. Now when I am on the road, I am in no hurry to go anywhere, I can stop where I want, and I can stay as long as I like. Sure the rules are still there but it’s a wonderful feeling.”
JeanInaBox learned, “Home is where the heart is, and wherever you go, there you are.
“It’s taught me self-reliance,” wrote JasonMcD. “It’s opened up new possibilities in life, and pushed me outside of my comfort zone. It’s given me confidence in myself I didn’t have before. I know that no matter how bad things get, I always have a plan to rebuild my life from square one.”
NctryBen “What I’ve learned is I can adapt… The lifestyle teaches me anyways that life is not about stuff, income, self, or any of that… it’s about community and what can I do to make someone else’s life a little better. Now I sound like Bob… hahaha!”
“I’ve learned that my stuff gets in my way,” says jaqueg. “Alas, I’m still learning how to get rid of it!”
eDJ said, “As for what the Nomad life has taught me, being mobile is superior to always being tied to one place… When I get behind the wheel of my rig I feel a transformation taking place.”
And a friend of mine, whose identity I shall protect, realized, “Now that I’m alone in the boonies most of the time, with no one interfering with my life, I realize I can’t keep blaming others for my problems.”
CRITIQUE YOUR INNER CRITIC
Society does such a thorough job judging, shaming, limiting, coercing us that we become adept at critiquing ourselves. It’s the voice that tells us we aren’t good enough and don’t deserve what we want. But our inner critic is often full of crap, echoing and amplifying the damaging BS we’ve been taught.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Firestone says, “To lead a free life, a person must separate him/herself from negative imprinting.” In other words, when that voice of judgment says, “You’re not able to do that, you shouldn’t want those other things, and you totally suck,” our response should be, “Says who?”
Self-discovery and self-understanding are not self-indulgent. Knowing who you are, your strengths and values, and what you have to offer, actually (and ironically) makes you a better person in the society that only wanted your docile compliance. Lost and unhappy people do not a good society make.
Even if you have no interest in being a contributing member of society, life is too brief to spend in internal conflict. Know yourself and know peace.
Al, It’s 5:30 a.m. . . . I’ve been up since 3:30 a.m. contemplating this very issue. Thank you.
AND when you just change crowds, themes, parameters are you really any different?
Oh, my goodness. This moved me. I felt a voice in my ear, and then a dozen. Warm notes, as if rising from fireside conversation. Gentle, those voices, recognizable, as I related to each one, even the one whose identity will remain secret; and then, it’s my turn – full circle. Who am I? Beautifully written, Alan.
Reminds of my very first lesson in life regarding my own freedom. I was independent, had a job, was 19, and had my own money. But I was still a captive of what others think. I discovered that I liked rock climbing. This was back in the early 70’s so I told people that I climbed this face or that route. It did not take me long to learn that being told I was crazy and how unimpressed my friends and family were that I needed to stop seeking their approval and consideration. That took me about a year until I decided that these flat landers don’t need to know what I’m doing and I didn’t need their approval or acceptance anymore. It was at that moment that I became a nomad. I’ve been one ever since. That lesson was so vital to everything else that I went on to do. It only matters what I think. I take advice and seek it sometimes. But I decide if it’s worthy or not.
Your anonymous friend’s quote hits home.
Conventional society makes one complacent and afraid to act. A high standard of living is comfortable, but can make you soft.
This post almost brought tears to my eyes.
i am happy when i get to explore the depths of an intelectuals mind because there-in lies a road map to begin a journey of my own. You’re work is truely benificial to all mankind, thanks Bob! I quit following you when you went all YouTube but am so glad you’re back.
Willie Nelson had a great quote:
“I’ll tell you what I think, but do what you want to do”
And Kris Kristofferson had another: Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.
When I am alone I am DELIGHTFULLY HILARIOUS ?
I know! I amuse myself.
i will be 69 in a couple of weeks and still can’t find my tribe, twice including this year I have headed for the rtr,wrtr only to leave before it started. Scared to find that tribe, maybe. Will I quit no, not as long as I can get in my van and wander.
CRVL has given me great advice and encouragement along the way.
You are the Philosopher. Will there be a book of your sayings?
As a matter of fact, one is in the works.
Give us a heads up when the book is ready, please. Thanking you in advance.
Great comments. All good reminders to help us stay grounded in reality.
I was never really aware of how much other people’s expectations of me ruled me. I never had expectations of myself because I was to wrapped up in living others expectations of me. I was sure all my actions were mine, but come to find out they were others. So there I was doing what I thought was right for me when it was everybody else I was living for. Now,67 yrs. later, I’m on the road. It isn’t what I thought it would be that’s for sure but for now it’s me and I have no one to be except me,for me and my two dogs. It’s really all ok, for Me. I’m FREE.