IN THE SPRING OF 2019 I learned that what I thought was a persistent throat infection was actually a tumor on the base of my tongue. I would need radiation and chemotherapy. I would need to put my nomad life on hiatus. Maybe permanently.
I had long wondered what I would do if I were ever in a situation like this. Would I want to go through treatment only to extend my life a little longer? Or would I decline treatment and accept my life was over? I believed I had made peace with the abstract idea of death, but now here it was in the room with me. I chose treatment. That was the first thing this experience taught me about myself. I would rather fight.
The second thing I learned was that my extremely independent self could ask others for help without my self-worth evaporating. I needed transportation from Tucson to Los Angeles. I needed a place to stay during the weeks of treatment at UCLA. I would need rides to and from daily treatments. I would need meals prepared for me. I asked friends and they came through. Willingly. That also taught me my friends actually do like me, not just tolerate me. I surrendered to their kindness.
I learned I was stronger than I thought. I had to force myself to eat despite the pain, messed up tastebuds (everything tasted nasty) and lack of saliva. I could force myself to get up, bathe, dress, and walk around even though I just wanted to sleep. I was a tough dude. Surprise!
But the biggest thing cancer taught me was that I really love living in my van. I had spent months back in the land of running hot water, flush toilets, electricity, climate control, full kitchens, cable TV and free wifi, but I couldn’t wait to get back on the road. Driving out of LA, opposite of morning commute traffic, out to the desert, felt absolutely wonderful — even more wonderful than learning the day before that the latest scans and bloodwork showed I was free of cancer. I was in my home, rolling back to my true life. My best life. The life I would go through hell for.
Wow. Thank you so much for this. Grateful that you can continue being grateful.
Even though, I am pretty much stationary, I have had the exact same thoughts. I just had to have two biopsies on my right temple. I’m praying that it’s not too serious. I left van life 5 years ago, and I am so ready to go back! Even if it is, I hope, temporarily in my Honda Odyssey. Really need to be able to stand up! Good for you dude! We are all, stronger, then we think!
I’m glad you had/have the determination and drive to want to help yourself. I’m thankful friends came through for you. We have so very much to be thankful for.
Enjoy your free life!
Great post. First cancer I had was 18 years ago. Had surgery and caught it early.. Second time was 11 years later and I went in blustering that I wasn’t going to do chemo or radiation, etc., but fortunately for me the doctor was kindly and humorous so I ended up having surgery and chemo. The third return is 7 years later and I’m doing focused radiation and feeling ok plus I still have my hair. I have a desire to live like you do and because of your inspiring post I’ll cross off the big C as a barrier to proceeding. Do you read Barbara Ehrenreich? I loved her rebellion in Brightsided against the prevailing culture of mandatory optimism that “cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. ” After hearing hundreds of similar sentiments about the myriad ways cancer “is the passport to the Life you were truly meant to live” she wrote, “And if that doesn’t make you want to run out and get an injection of live cancer cells,” she doesn’t know what will. Thanks for your openness and for not saying it was the best thing that ever happened to you .
Been there, done that – Mucosal Melanoma of the left sinus. Wore that silly radiation mask, did the infusions for nearly a year. It’s an investment in the future, and worth it. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Good for you!
I feel blessed that mine was a small, intact tumor that was removed before it spread. I did not require chemo nor radiation. So blessed!
Not the best thing that ever happened to me, though. 🙂
Great read. I had friends that went through that cancer treatment who weren’t as lucky as you. Well played. Live long and enjoy Life.
I t’s a tremendous fight……. but life is worth living….in any condition……this is what people say…..I believe it to be true…..Even when hardly any family or friends can step in…..it’s amazing how many strangers will step up to the plate…..people love a lover….and people .ove a fighter.I fought too……..a dog found my tumor (ovarian)…….New Years Eve 1999…Just wanted you to know that the fight is always worth it……And that…LONG TERM REMISSION IS YOUR NEXT PART OF LIFE. !!!! from a happy joyous survivor.(nomad)
You guys are so inspiring! I am one of those people who is a huge chicken!
I’m glad your doing well! Heavy doses of radiation can cause long term side effects. After 11 years of being cancer free I started having swallowing issues. After many misdiagnoses I ended up going to MD Anderson and they discover that I had late Hypoglossal Nerve Palsy (motor nerve for my tongue) and Accessory nerve damage. I can no longer swallow solid foods, all my nutrition goes through my feeding tube.
Radiation to your neck often has side effects that do not surface for years.
This all started with Base of Tongue cancer in 2009.
If you have any issues down the road make sure your going somewhere that knows what they are doing. I exhausted my resources in Austin and San Antonio before I found the right group of doctors at MD Anderson.