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I Hate Living In Houses!
This is Cheney Lake. It’s about 10 minutes from my mom’s apartment in Anchorage and is in a beautiful park. I was only there once and then only to take this picture.
Living inside the four walls of a house has a very bad impact on me. Somehow it sucks the energy, motivation and creativity right out of me. Every day I ended up sitting in front of the TV veg’ing out. I had some excuse because the weather was dreary and rainy the whole time I was there so that made it hard to go do something outside. I also find walking on asphalt or concrete very unpleasant on my knees and feet; so between that and the bad weather I stopped taking my daily walks for the first time in 4 years.
You might be thinking it was the weather and not the house that kept me inside and glued to the TV, but that isn’t true. In the last 4 year I have never missed a walk because of weather. One time it poured rain, (the hardest rain I have ever seen—it rained 13 inches in 24 hours) and Homer and I walked right through it. I’ve walked in 50 mph winds, a foot of snow and 98 degree heat—we walk regardless of the weather, except for the last two weeks living in a house.
Then it occurred to me the problem might be that I was in the city and that had I been in a house in the country it would have been different. There might be some truth to that but I don’t think it would make a difference. Anchorage has lots of parks and is surrounded by raw wilderness. A 10 minute drive would have put me in the woods. Somehow, being in a house so saps me of motivation that I couldn’t make myself get up and drive to a park to walk.
It wasn’t just the walking that I gave up on. I am right in the middle several writing projects and I had gone to Anchorage with the full intention of getting lots done:
- I am working on a new book on boondocking
- Working on getting the first book into a paperback
- Writing Blogs posts
- Responding to comments on the Blog
- Writing Twitter Posts
- Writing new articles for the website
- Answering questions on the Forum
I had plenty to do and did almost none of it; I simply could not motivate myself to open the laptop and work. That is very unusual for me. I spend several hours writing every day unless something important comes up. It should have been easier at my mom’s because I had few interruptions, but I simply could not make myself do it. It was like the TV and comfy chair mesmerized me. Once I sat down, I was there to stay.
Fortunately, I’m back home and back to work. I’ve been thinking about why houses have that effect on me and these are some conclusions I’ve reached:
1) Comfort is seductive. According to physics, a body at rest tends to stay at rest. It’s the same way with humans when you are totally comfortable, why would you do something uncomfortable? Living in a van is not as comfortable as living I a house, so I think it is easier to be active.
2) Houses insulate you from nature and breaks all your contact with it. In some way I don’t understand, nature is motivating. Maybe it’s the fresh air, or having life all around you, but somehow living in nature makes it easy for me to be active. When you spend all your time in houses, you are completely cut off from nature. You don’t feel heat, cold, wind, bugs rain or any other part of it. Human beings evolved in nature, and spending all our time away from it is very unhealthy for us. That isn’t just common sense; there have been repeated scientific studies that prove it.
- in schools with views of nature, student scores improve;
- in hospital rooms with a view, patients recover faster and have less pain;
- in prisons, the prisoners housed in cell blocks with views behave better and have less medical problems than prisoners in cell blocks without views;
- in offices with plants or flowers, productivity increases and sick days decrease.
3) After I published this post, Michael added a comment that I had to include here. He said that another reason we tend to fall into lethargy and depression when we live in houses was because we give up so much control over our lives. That is a brilliant observation! He said it so well I am going to quote from his comment:
Still living in a house myself, but feeling trapped and hoping desperately to sell it soon, I wonder if the element of freedom is also an important element. When we feel in control of our life, we have more energy and motivation. In fact, depression has been called “a disorder of power.” Perhaps the fact that one knows one can always move one’s van or trailer or RV helps one feel more vital and alive…especially for those of us who yearn more for freedom than for security.
Here I am sitting in my trailer. Even though it is tiny, with the door open I feel like I am outside and a part of nature and not separated from it.
In some way I don’t understand, even while I am inside a van, it feels like I am outside because I am not insulated from it. When it is hot or cold outside, I feel hot or cold. When the wind blows, the trailer shakes. When I need to pee, I step outside and pee. When I brush my teeth, I go outside to spit and rinse. When it rains, I hear the rain beating on the roof.
I am sitting inside my trailer right now writing this on my bed (see picture). There is a window beside my bed and the door is open. It’s a very pleasant 75 degree day and there is a slight breeze blowing through the trailer. I am baking corn bread in my solar oven about 30 feet from the front door and it’s about done because I can smell it; every so often a bee flies in and out. I am comfortable and sheltered from the elements, but I still “feel” like I am outside in nature. I’ve been stuck inside the trailer for up to a week at a time (except for our walks) by bad weather, and my little trailer never starts to close in on me, I still enjoy it. On the other hand, after just one day in a house, I start to hate it. The difference is a house separates me from nature while the trailer doesn’t.
If you can relate to that, maybe it’s time for you to live in a van! Bob
Bob I love this post. For so many years I wondered why I vegetate the minute I got home. I can’t seem to motivate myself to get off my butt to do something. When I had a dog (always females for some reason and not by choice)I always pushed out of myself. The dog needed to be walked and I LOVED to walk my dogs. I would walk for miles with them in the woods. I am coming to see now why I veg. You simply said so clearly. Hopefully I find my van soon cause this is tiring to be tired all the time. Thanks again for an eye opener here.
Hi Michelle, it’s amazing how much alike we all are. I’m sure that living in a house doesn’t affect everybody this way, but for some of us, we just can’t live in a house. Sounds like you and I are very alike that way. Also, like you my dog is my lifesaver. He gets me out for a walk every day, rain or shine. i didn’t have him in Anchorage. But we are together again and so we are walking.
I have been watching for a van to buy this winter, and I am very surprised how hard they are to find. Some friends of mine here in camp have been looking for a VERY specific van by doing a nationwide craigslist search. They finally found it (after months of looking) in Kansas City. So he flew from Fresno, CA to KC and drove it back. I’m not suggesting you do that, but I am trying to encourage you to keep looking, it will show up!!
Let’s all think positive thoughts for Michelle! Bob
I was just thinking about how un-natural it is to be living in an apartment or a house. You are right about it sapping your energy. I can see how it has contributed to my depression. I am in the process of getting ready, have to do some work on my Tahoe and it is getting hard to be patient. I have read your book and am studying everything. Your blog made me smile.
You knocked this one outta the park. Truer words have never been written. When I’m in the van, I live “out of it”. Not in it. Small spaces are controllable and easily maintained and moved. When I was recovering from major surgery, being able to look out the window at nature was a HUGE incentive for me to get better.
My mom was one of my best friends. She’s been gone for a couple of years now and I think about her a lot. Good for you going home to see her.
CAE, I’m very sorry your mom is gone, but I am glad for you that she left such a wonderful part of herself to always live on through you. You are very lucky in that way.
I have no idea what happens after we die, but I am sure that your love still reaches her and is a wonderful thing. Bob
Bob,
I’m glad you’re back “home” to the place and mode of living that feels most natural to you.
As always, your post shares valuable insight and self-revealing candor. No doubt you’re right that living in a vehicle keeps a person more in tune with nature, and likely this keeps a person more stimulated and more active.
Still living in a house myself, but feeling trapped and hoping desperately to sell it soon, I wonder if the element of freedom is also an important element. When we feel in control of our life, we have more energy and motivation. In fact, depression has been called “a disorder of power.” Perhaps the fact that one knows one can always move one’s van or trailer or RV helps one feel more vital and alive…especially for those of us who yearn more for freedom than for security.
Michael
Michael, that is a wonderful thought, I’m sure you are 100% right! When I was at my moms house I had very little control over my life. My mom would have let me do anything I wanted, but it’s very important to me to be a good house guest so I just went with the flow and had zero control over my life. Going from total control to nearly zero probably played a huge part of my feeling down.
I’d like to add that to the blog, would you be okay with me quoting from your comment if I give you the credit? Thanks, Bob
Bob,
I’m honored to be quoted by you. By all means.
And you added another angle to the control issue: Not only is a “stix-‘n-brix” stationary and unable to move, there’s additional loss of control if one is staying at another’s house, as you were at your Mom’s.
Along similar lines, even in one’s own space, if one is renting there’s the landlord, in a co-op there’s the group of “solid citizens who know what’s best for everybody” (a.k.a. control freaks) that runs it, if one owns a house there’s the homeowner’s association or the city zoning board…all of these reduce one’s control over one’s space.
When living on wheels, one may not be able to escape all run-ins with those who limit one’s freedoms (the occasional mean cop, the noisy fellow-camper, etc.) but one can always move on. There’s always the ready hope, the next obvious action, the virtually unlimited number of choices, the consistent ability to take the initiative.
Best,
Michael
Thanks Michael, I really appreciate you pointing that idea out to me! It’s strange how such great ideas can just pass right over our head. Glad you pointed it out. Bob
Another excellent, thoughtful essay. Thanks, Bob! I have an idea what may be happening here. According to Wikipedia (“human”), we reached “full behavioral modernity” about 50,000 years ago. Change continued very slowly until the Industrial Revolution which picked up the pace a great deal and led to the rise of cities. In the last 100 years or so, air conditioning, motorized transportationn, and other advances have allowed people to isolate themselves from nature. Now we see the sad spectacle of people driving SUVs half a mile to pay a gym for exercise that was built into their grandparents’ lives for free. Most people seem not to realize what they are missing. People here have discovered or been driven to a saner life.
Calvin wrote:
LOL You are describing me to a tee!! Sanity was a long way from my life and the Universe had the kindness to drive me to it kicking and screaming the whole way!! You could argue I haven’t quite made it yet, but I am hopeful! Bob
I agree totally, thank you. as the above commenters said, you hit this one out of the park. This weekend I am yard saleing (at a friends house) to try and get rid of the remaining stuff in my storage locker.
Good for you Kitty!! It sounds like you are getting closer to hitting the road. My wish for you is that it makes you as happy as it has made me!! Bob
Once again a great read!!! Totally understand where you are coming from. I do think there is a difference in living in a house in the city vs a house in the country. I think its mostly about congestion. Meaning, I currently live in a suburb of Houston and while it has its advantages, there are just SO many people. Constant traffic, crowded stores, etc. Where I live its not really safe to walk to places because of so many cars and stuff, plus things are so spread out and far its not really convenient. So getting out amongst the people and congestion is the only option. However, living in the country or a place not so crowded, perhaps even a small town with little population, is completely different. Even if its in a house in an open field or small cabin near a lake or stream in the mountains, which is where I’d really like to live!!1 :0) Like you said, there is still room to roam and be free without your neighbor being right on top of you!!!
Again, another good and thoughtful read!! Thanks Bob!!!
( by the way, I have family that lives in Anchorage too and I’ve only been up there once but I enjoyed it. I only spent one night and a day in Anch but spent a night out in Hope AK which was lovely! Also spent some time in the Wrangell Mts and loved it. )
Jana
Hi Jana, I’m sure you are right, living in the country has to be better for your mental/emotional health than living in a city. I’m not aware of any studies proving it, but there have been many studies that show that living in a city inherently has a very bad impact on our mental/emotional health. Many studies specifically show that anger and depression increase and empathy decreases for city dwellers. These are actual scientific studies/experiments, but all you have to do is read the newspaper to know it is true. When bad things happen in the country, the community comes together and helps each other. When bad things happen in the city there is rioting/looting, and people run out and get everything they can for themselves from the stores and then stay in their homes and quiver in fear not sharing with anyone.
Contact with nature makes us better people, lack of it makes us worse people. Bob
An thoughtful post. I believe that humans are a part of nature, we may fool ourselves into thinking we are above the animals but we remain clever primates and we have a real need to be in natural settings. Much of the stress of modern life may come from our isolation from good old Mother Nature.
Magpye
I agree wholeheartedly Magpye. Living on Public land has made me a much better, happier person! Bob
Bob, we just got back from a 10 day camping trip Sunday. I have been so down since we got back… no motivation and feeling like life is a difficult and unhappy ordeal.
But when I go sit outside on my back deck, I feel alive again.
The timing of your post is amazing because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me!
Hi Sharon, that makes perfect sense to me. There has been a lot of research into the therapeutic effect of nature. Several studies have shown that “Green Therapy” (time spent in nature) is just as good at relieving depression as today’s drugs. It seems reasonable that you went cold turkey on the “drug” of nature and had a serious relapse.
I have good news and bad news for you: The bad news is you may be addicted to nature; the good news is the cure is simple, cheap, painless and wonderfu!! JUST SPEND MORE TIME IN NATURE!! Bob
I’m planning my next fix as we speak! 😀
Would love to fulltime, but it’s not hubby’s thing. He does love frequent, extended camping trips, though.
Sharon, it’s surprising how often that happens, the wife wants to full-time and the husband doesn’t. It just goes to show you how often the stereotypes are wrong! Looking on the bright side, maybe you are lucky because you have the best of both worlds, a hubby who loves you, a house with all its security and comforts, and long trips. Sounds like a pretty good life! Bob
All my life from the time i can remember i have always gotten out of the house and into nature… From age 10 to 15 my back yard was 60 miles of Montana prairie land and from 15y/o to 48y/o was the Cascade mountains of Washington… i used to sleep in a tent but realized I was not experiencing the night life and went to sleeping under the stars or with a rain/snow tarp… Now at age 50 living in a van, my doors and windows are always open to hear, smell, see and experience nature at night… The sounds i fall asleep to are crickets, owls, coyote, and some things that go bump at night… My dog Zeke has grown to about 50/50 inside to outside sleeping which is cool with me… Houses have the same disturbing effect on me, often saying 4 white walls and a talking box, just turns the experience into a zombie like state… I went home to WA. for the month of July and i was not about to spend time inside my sisters house, but more so not to spend my night in other than my van in my bed… Another great article Bob, hopefully this winter wont have many multiple days inside and be as nice as this summer was as far as bad weather…
Steve is the perfect example of someone who needs to be in nature. It seems like the more you do it, the more you need it. I think we are both to the point we can’t live in any other way. Bob
Hi Bob,
It’s always good to be back home so I know how you feel. We just got our travel trailer and went camping twice and I just.love it. Like you I always walk a lot when we go. When I am home, there is never any time, there’s always housework. Fortunately, I live in the woods so being home is always being in nature. I can’t walk in the summer, too hot and buggy (it’s Florida).
I can’t wait for the cooler weather when I can keep the door open and shut off the A/C!
Hi Edie, sounds like you have a great spot there, I envy you living in the woods, but I do NOT envy you living in Florida! My mom lives in Florida now so I’ve been there many times. Fortunately, I’ve never been there in the summer, just the winter. It’s a great place in the winter!! I did live outside Asheville, NC for a 1 1/2 years and I loved it. It would be a great place to take your new TT in the summer. There are many National Forest around it with great dispersed camping. It can still be warm in the summer, but MUCH cooler than Florida! Bob
My new van is in the process of being converted. I almost let them talk me into tinted windows. Then I realized my need to be able to connect with the outdoors was stronger than my need for the benefits of tinting. I’m so glad I realized that in time.
Hi Linda, you are so right, windows are critical! After I bought my cargo van the very first thing I did was add windows. I can’t imagine living inside the trailer without them, it would be worse than living in a cave. Sounds like you are going to get just what you want in your new van home! Bob
Bob, I go through the same thing here in Washington, DC. To get to any wilderness you must fight 75 miles of suburbs. It is literally a battle to get out. The close-in parks are full of deer, hence ticks and chiggers. The woods around here are nasty in the summer. Consequently I don’t get out much.
And when I don’t get any woods-time I feel depressed. I am depressed. TV is another enemy. Many people are content to replace experience with images. I can’t. TV alters the human neuronal system and essentially a TV addict is one with his TV.
Enjoyed your post as usual. Hope to see you at RTR ’13!
Dave
I was in Washington DC only one time and loved seeing the national Treasures, but boy was the traffic horrible! I can understand why you feel trapped inside. I don’t envy you being stuck there. Hopefully one of these days you can make a change! Bob
hey now bob, gald you had a nice family visit.i started my adult life in a van it was my frist pad!!. i would not traded those year’s as a surfer bum for anything.that was forty three year’s a go.intead of paying high beach rent, i live out of my beat up vw van! in front or back of or driveway,of a roomate’s house.i was able to save a down paymemt on a condo.it only took twelve year’s!!!hey like to party in those year’s.anyhoo home ownership pay off for me in the long run an still is.that said,i love boondocking in my little casitia travel trailer,an could live in it just find!!.gary
Gary, I have to admit that I envy your Casita, it is the perfect little rig! It sounds like you have the best of both worlds, a home waiting for you and a Casita to satisfy the travel urge. You are a lucky man (except for having a train land on you)! Bob
I have to agree with your other complimenters about this post.
Although I agree with your main points it might be beneficial to keep a bigger logical separation between “houseness” and “TV addiction”. For instance, when I lived in a normal house I found that air conditioning was the worst culprit at turning me in an indoorsy cocoon-er. So the first time it required maintenance dollars I scrapped it and went to ceiling fans. (That might work in Michigan; don’t try it in Florida.)
Conversely, many RVers — including boondockers — watch satellite RV too much. RV culture would take a giant leap upwards if the satellite TV was uninvented.
Have you ever looked out of your camping machine to see a neighbor getting set up next you, and felt a desire to get to know them, but then they set up the satellite TV with such a sense of urgency that your shoulders immediately sag as if to say, “Well, we now know what kind of a camper/outdoorsman they are!”
Boonie, I agree completely about TV addiction not being just for house dwellers. Many RVers watch just as much, however, most of them are older people, and so they are more inclined to not have the energy to be out as much. Also, for 6 months of the year it’s dark past 7:00 in the evening. Unless you have lots of electricity or build a fire, you are going to be inside. My friend Steve is one of the few exception, he will just sit outside in the evening and enjoy the stars, but pretty soon it will be getting to cold to do even that.
I have to admit, I am seriously consider getting satellite TV, but if I do it will be a strictly after dark activity. Bob
What an awesome, fabulous post.
It’s been well documented, TV will suck the life right out of you…they don’t call it the boob tube for nothing. Getting rid of satellite TV during the downturn in 2008 was the best thing I ever did. It’s not that I don’t EVER partake in video entertainment, but I sure don’t pay a thousand dollars a year for it anymore thanks to the internet…I watch BBC documentaries on Youtube, get my news from the BBC or Al Jazzera online (I completely avoid US cable news, its just people shouting at each other), download English soccer highlights from Footytube. New movies are often available on Veetle, but honestly I don’t have the patience for most new movies these days. Yes, I pay for high speed internet, but I could just as easily go to a library and download all of the above if I wanted too.
Hi Dave, I have to agree, that the TV can be terribly destructive. I know when I live in a house I end up just sitting in front of it constantly. I don’t have TV, but I do watch TV shows on DVD. But they are expensive so that is self-limiting. I am thinking about satellite TV. But it would be for after dark only. I can’t stream much video because I have a 5 gig a month data limit. Bob
So I’m not crazy after all? All this time of hating living in a house, in one place, wanting to get up and move, even if just into the next county is normal? Phew….that’s a relief!
Tango
Tango, I think you are the normal, sane one! At least here you are. That’s my story and I am sticking to it! Bob
Part of the problem in many buildings is lack of fresh air. This encourages lack of activity, which winds up making the problem worse. For me, the financial burden of house ownership was also a big problem.
I stumbled upon this blog today – I am in NYC overlooking Central Park (which is supposed to be the “lungs” of NYC). I feel like a round peg in a square hole working here. I have a house in the suburbs of NY, but it is getting crowded and the noise level has increased. When I sit in my pretty, wooded backyard I can hear traffic and planes. But, I have a new venture. I will be retiring in one year eighteen months (whose counting) and I am going to sell my house by an RV and never look back. I have sons in NoCal and SoCal and my other son will be moving to North Carolina – so I will be traveling in a “triangle” across the country to visit them and hope to have many stops along the way. I brought up three sons by myself, have worked three jobs and have a good job in the city that will be coming to an end. It is time. I am so done, I can’t tell you. I HATE this place. It is the most overrated place on the planet and the people have changed dramatically – or maybe I have. I don’t know, but when I tell people my plan they look at me and say, “WOW” – they could really picture me doing this!!! I thought I would get flack (did a bit from my daughter-in-law when she found out the live in babysitter would be on the road), but my grandsons can come and visit me during the summer wherever I might be. They worry because I will be doing this alone – and somehow I am not worried at all. I figured I have lived through 9-11, take that stupid subway every day, that is also dangerous. It is a dangerous world and a dangerous city. But I love the west (always have) and it is time. I am 64, in fairly good shape and have been extremely capable my whole life. What have I got to lose?!?!? I, too, feel stifled in my house – am always running, always driving someplace – what am I looking for? Nature. Walk my Golden through the golf course, but the cars still whiz by. Feel more trapped than I ever have in my life, but positive. There is this gut feeling in me that this is what I have to do. It has been fun researching the different types of rigs and stuff – it has opened a whole world for me. People see my view – overlooking the Park – and they rave about it. I don’t get it – I think it is nothing but planned architecture. Glad I stumbled upon your post. Have to start to downsize – anyone interested in fifty pairs of high heels!?!?! 😉
Hi Doris, and welcome! I am so glad to hear you are going to follow your dreams. So many people retire and act like their lives have come to an end, but it sounds like the best time of your life is coming up! To help relieve some of your fears about a woman traveling alone in a RV, I suggest you follow the blogs of some single women RVers. One I follow and highly recommend is RV Sue and crew: http://rvsueandcrew.com/ (the crew is her dogs). There are many others but she is one I know of and like.
Fifty pairs of high heels!!! Wow. But I’m not one to point my finger. When I first moved into a van I had to gather all my tools into one place and get rid of all the duplicates and specialty tools. Did I really need all those wrenches and pliers? NO!! So we all collect something, just different things. Bob
I was slightly exaggerating about the shoes to prove a point about how unnecessarily excessive me and my peers have become. Like, what the hell is this all about? Thank you for the link. I will check it out. Did you ever feel so sure about something being so right for you. That’s how I feel and thank you. Take care.
Hi Bob! I just had to add my 2 cent’s on this topic, great post BTW! I now understand why I felt like I did, when I should have been happy to be with my family.
I have just spent almost this whole last month at 3 different family members homes due to my mother being ill, and dr.’s appt.’s for me back in the town that I just left, and having to fly cross country to help my daughter move back to the east coast.
I didn’t realize till just last night when I finally returned to my RV home, how really lucky I am now, being able to live this life. I almost felt physically ill having to stay in those homes, and very un-happy, although I love my family more than life itself I absolutely agree with what everyone has said here, it’s eye opening!
Now that I have done all that was expected of me to do to help everyone, we can finally leave from here and get started on our new journey towards the west.
I am so happy with the choice that I have made, to live the life of a “Rubber Tramp” and I owe it all to you for showing me the way to live this life, cudos to you Bob!!!!
Hi Judy, I’m glad you are here! I’m very sorry that you mother is ill, I am not looking forward to going through that. I love her so much, that will be hard.
For many people, living in houses makes them very happy, but for some of us, not so much! Sounds like you are one of us silly people who can’t live in a house. I am so glad you have found a way of life that makes you happy!! That is what is important. I hope I will finally get to meet you at the RTR, if not sooner. Be happy! Bob
Hey Bob,
Really enjoyed your post. I live in a house, but have always envied those who don’t. Never understood why!?!? I feel isolated from the real world and burdened by stuff. My wife does not feel the same way. The truth is, she is not happy living in a house managing all of her stuff, but she can’t see past the security or tradition that comes from house living. Most people would be happier living in a small space with less stuff, but will never take the leap. Only the brave actually do it!!
Thanks again!!!
Jim
Jim, you are very right! Most people are contented to live a barely acceptable life as long as it is safe and comfortable. Pursuing happiness is risky, and today we hate risk. You are right, only the brave do it. I wasn’t one of the brave ones. I was unhappy my whole life, but never unhappy enough or brave enough to do anything about it. Then, suddenly, circumstances forced me out of my comfort zone into mobile living kicking and screaming. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. Bob